


Sleepless

by TopHatCat



Category: Kuroshitsuji : The Most Beautiful DEATH in the World - Iwasaki/Mori/Mari, Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Insomnia, M/M, Shi No Toge, Slingphries, Thorns of Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 23:38:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10057160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopHatCat/pseuds/TopHatCat
Summary: It's hard to fall alseep when your partner is dying...





	

“Alan?”

The voice dragged Alan out of the blackness of sleep and into the soft pillows and blankets of the dark bedroom.  Opening his eyes, he couldn’t see anything in the night, but he could feel that the body of his partner was quite obviously sitting up and leaning over him.

“Eric?” he asked, feeling slightly disoriented.  “What is it?” He reached out and his hand touched Eric’s bare shoulder.  “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Eric said, “Are you?”

Alan sat up, sensing Eric drawing back.  He fumbled for the bedside lamp and turned on the light, blinking at the other reaper in the dim glow.  “I’m fine.  Why?”

“You were talking,” Eric answered, studying Alan’s face as if he could find any of the reaper’s troubles there.  “You sounded…  You didn’t sound happy.”

Alan could see the distress in Eric’s eyes.  The expression was a common one these days, and Alan smiled, trying lift the mood. “It must have been a dream,” he said.  “I don’t remember it.”  That was true; he had no recollection of having any dreams, though Eric must have broken him out of a bad one.  “Did I wake you up?”

Eric’s furrowed brow had eased a bit, and he ran his fingers through his wavy golden locks.  “No, don’t worry about it.  I was already awake.”

“Awake?” Alan was having enough trouble keeping his eyes open in the short time since Eric had woken him.  “What time is it?”

“Not that late,” Eric answered and a frown twitched at the side of Alan’s mouth.  He held out his hand and Eric sighed, picking up the watch from his nightstand and handing it to Alan.  It took a second for the reaper’s tired mind to comprehend the hands on the timepiece, but when he did, his frown deepened.

“Four-thirty.”  He looked up at Eric, and saw the dark smudges under his eyes.  “Have you even fallen asleep?”

Eric looked like he might try to avoid the question, but then he just shook his head wearily.  “Not tired, I guess.”

They had gotten into bed at nine, fairly early for Eric.  Seven and half hours he had been lying awake in the darkness.  The reaper who could fall asleep in a loud bar on karaoke night, if he was in the mood too, had been sitting awake in his quiet bed at home for most of the night.  Alan pushed the last bits of clinging exhaustion from his body and took Eric’s hand.

“What have you been thinking about?”

He already knew the answer to that.  What else would keep Eric up for hours on end, wearing down his brain until he was sick with fatigue and worry?

“Nothing,” Eric said, not looking at Alan.  “Just stuff.”

“Me stuff?” Alan asked gently, and Eric shrugged.  Alan shook his head and took his pillow, fluffing it and propping it up beside Eric’s.  The tall reaper looked at him confusedly.

“What are you doing?”

“Can’t let you stare at the wall all by your lonesome now can I?”  Snuggling closer to Eric, Alan rested his head on the reaper’s shoulder.  Eric wrapped his arm around him, but he was frowning.

“You should sleep,” he said.  “You need rest.”

“And you don’t?” Alan looked up into Eric’s face.  The tall reaper let out a breath.

“But you’re…. you…”  He covered his eyes with his hand, and Alan could see him gritting his teeth to stop the tears. “Damn it, Al…”

“Hey, hey,” Alan said gently, hugging Eric, “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not,” Eric said, lowering his hand and gazing at Alan with red rimmed eyes. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to lose the only beautiful thing I’ve ever known.  The only person I have.”

Alan didn’t know wat to say.  There was no assuring Eric it would be alright, this would pass.  Because it wouldn’t.  It couldn’t.  There was no stopping what was to come in the next year or so, the inevitable decline of everything they had been until it was gone completely.  All he could do now was to build the foundations for the life that would follow.

Sitting up, he pushed back the covers, swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress.

“Where are you going?” Eric asked, and Alan reached out his hand.

“Come on.”

Eric’s hand enfolded his and Alan led his partner out of the bedroom and down the hall to the living room.  The room was lit by the faint glow of streetlamps that managed to force its way through the thick drapes and make the room a dim yellow.

Alan let go of Eric and went to the curtains, pushing them aside and unlatching the balcony doors.  Recapturing Eric’s hand in his, he went to the rail of the small terrace and looked out over the city.

It was all black and yellow this time of night.  The shadows deep and the glow from windows like beacons in the darkness.  The structures stretched out until they faded into an early morning mist, the tall Dispatch Building rising above the rest, lights on even now.  Death waited for no one.

“What are we doing here,” Eric asked, his voice hardly above a whisper.  Something about the coolness of the night and almost eerie quiet made talking in a normal tone seem like sin.

Alan looked over the city, knowing its route and streets, where the houses were, the work buildings, the school.  He pointed and Eric followed his finger.

“Will and Grell live in that direction,” he said. “Can’t you see them now? Will’s probably sitting at his desk, working, though he really should be in bed.  Grell is most likely snoring away, cuddled up under that red blanket she loves.”

Eric placed his hand on the rail, and watched as Alan turned, his arm aiming in a different direction now. 

“Sam and Thom are way over there, across the water, but I can see them…  Probably up too late, talking late into the night as siblings do, chattering away about this and that.”  He cast about a third way.  “Shelia’s sleeping, like the sensible person she is.  _She_ don’t care to be exhausted in the morning.”

Eric nodded and Alan smiled. “If you look really hard you can maybe find Ronald in one of those bars, sleeping on some booth after a long night of partying.  Silly reaper, he’ll be tired at work.”

Alan turned now, taking both of Eric’s hands in his.  “And you know what all of them have in common?”

Eric shook his head and Alan squeezed his hands.  “They all care about you.  They’re all your friends, Eric, and they’re going to be there when you need them.  No matter what, you’re never going to be alone.”

Tears were pricking in his eyes now, but he blinked them back fiercely.  “Trust them, Eric.  Believe in them.  You don’t have to be alone ever again.  Think you can maybe give them a chance?”

Eric looked at Alan for a moment, and a small smile forced its way onto his face.  “Well…” he said, “I can try.”

“That’s my Eric,” Alan said softly, and they hugged.  Alan put every ounce of love he had into that embrace.  “Can you fall asleep now?”

“I think so,” Eric said wearily, and they closed the balcony doors and crawled into bed, turning out the light and cuddling up together under the blankets.

Resting his head on Eric’s chest, their fingers entwined, Alan’s eyes stayed open until he felt the reaper relax completely, finally drifting into the calm abyss of sleep.  Then he brushed his fingers over his chest, over his heart, the place that ached the most as the Thorn dug deeper, and tried to fall asleep.

The End


End file.
